My baby is almost 17...her Senior year of high school is fast approaching and I'm not ready!! I mean seriously....how did time go by so fast....she was just this little....
Makaila. I am so proud of you. Everything about you! Your beautiful smile, your hard work, your patience, your kind heart...I could go on forever. I know you are stressed out about college and grades. I know you have your heart set on Baylor, and I know that I put a lot of pressure on you in regards to getting good grades and getting involved in things....but its hard for me too. Your my baby. You made me a mommy. At an age when I was completely unprepared, lost, confused and scared shit less, you came into my life and made me whole. Getting ready for your senior year breaks my heart. It's hard to watch you grow up. I mean hell....it feels like just yesterday I was walking behind you while you held your daddy's hand to go to your first day of Pre-School!!!
I blinked and you were singing camp rock songs at the top of your lungs and pretending to be Gabriella from High School Musical.
Sometimes I look back on these pictures and remember these moments like they were yesterday. I remember holding your hand while we walked through Sea World for the 4th time that summer and taking 17,543 pictures at your Fall singing show in Pre-School where you dressed up like a care bear and sang 5 Little Pumpkins. I remember carrying you to your bed at night when you fell asleep because you would fall asleep with me in my room when your daddy was working nights.
I remember taking you to Astros' games, water parks, hanging out with my girlfriends and their kids, taking you on Mommy daughter brunches, and that red dress in this picture...you were wearing that the night I graduated college. That picture was taken at Zio's after my ceremony and you told me at least 15 times that night how proud you were of me and how much you loved me and that you wanted to go to school like me when you got big!
Do you remember how much you wanted a sister? You asked for one three Christmases in a row! There were nights you would cry yourself to sleep because you wanted a sister so bad and I wouldn't give you one. It's so funny. I can remember the day I found out I was pregnant with your sister. I cried because I wanted her so bad, and I knew that I only had a limited amount of time to get pregnant because I was sick and the doctor wanted to take my ovaries out...so he gave me a few months to get pregnant or that was it. I was afraid that you would be jealous, or that I wouldn't be good at being a mom again, or that something bad would happen, or that your dad and I wouldn't make it work....but when I told you I was pregnant you cried. You were so excited. When I was pregnant you would touch my belly, and sing to your sister, and read her books. You would tell her prayers in my belly, and you would tell me how much you loved me for giving you a sister! You took all my fears away and made me feel so much better...and I'm sure you had no clue!!
You are such a good sister. You love your sister, you protect her, you care for her. It's like she has two mommies. I don't know what I would have done without you...she is so much more sassy then you were. But you guys are the perfect balance. You drive each other crazy, and love each other fiercely, and I am so proud of you. You take being a sister to a whole new level!! I wish I had a sister like you!
Thinking about you going away to college in a year or so gives me pride in abundance. It makes me feel like I was a good parent...like I set a good example....but it also scares me so so much! I'm a protective momma. I want my babies to stay babies. But that isn't an option, so instead I am watching you grow into a beautiful woman. Your almost 17, your driving, your the Student Council VP, you are a black belt in Taekwondo...WOW.....Can you believe it!!
You remember the year you turned 9, and we took you to Disney World? Man - I felt like a queen that day. You have no idea how hard your daddy and I worked to make that happen. We saved for what seemed like forever, we planned the breakfast with Mickey and Goofy, we stayed on the resort so you could have balloons in your room on your birthday, we had a tea party in Minnie's house, and you had your daddy whirl you around in the tea cups ride not once but twice!
Man, you should know that as I started this post...that turned into about 4 hours of me looking back on pictures and crying like a baby. I thought about so many things. So many memories. You loosing teeth, getting braces, going to Honduras on a mission trip, posing in front of the Eiffel tower in Vegas, pretending to be the statue of Liberty in New York, feeding a zebra from our car to prove your sister wrong....
I thought about us on the beach, your first time going to Taekwondo crying beucase you didn't want to do it. The first time you placed first at a Tournament and how that just lit a fire in you and then you won State and District Titles....OMG!!
I thought about lots of things, but the thought and feeling that was the most consuming was PRIDE!!!
The point of this post was to tell you that if your scared, then you are not alone. EVER!! I'm scared with you. But just like all the pictures in here prove and how I have always told you....I am here for you every step of the way. I don't care where you go, or how far you are, I will always be here when you need me. I will answer your calls, I will help with homework, I will scream at you when you think about giving up. I will push you and encourage you, even when I am scared too. I will try really hard not to cry in front of you when I think about you growing up. I love you and am so proud of you. You are going to be an amazing woman one day....I'm just sad that those days are coming so fast!!
Don't stop, don't quit, continue to be the person you are becoming....keep growing and keep learning, and keep trying!! You are so smart and I know that God has great plans for you. College is scary, and it's hard, ...but your not alone!
We still have to get through this school year, the summer, and enjoy your Senior year....so don't let the stress of colleges, money, scholarships, grades pull you down.....enjoy today and remember to pray about it...God is way better at all this stuff!!!! I love you, even on the days I spend most of my time complaining, criticizing, comparing, pushing, and nagging you.....so in case you feel frustrated or you are having a pity party....look here, read this, and remember that you are blessed! You are loved unconditionally. You are my best friend, and I love you! Don't be scared...I'm right here!
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