Grateful gushings

You ever have those mornings that you wake up feeling frumpy, or fat, or sad and lonely, or even unloved and unappreciated.  I think as women those morning are far to often and most times unfortunately we bring them on ourselves.

Lately I have been in a frump - feeling fat and unloved.  Why? I have no earthly idea. It's not like people are casting their judgement on me, or even giving me looks or abusing me in some way.

I know in my heart of hearts that I am not a fat girl.  Not even a little.  Now I'm no super model, or even a double taker most of the time...but I'm not an ugly person, nor am I a really large person (or that it even were to matter if I was).  But I find myself constantly complaining about being fat, and trying on clothes with this crazy mindset that I need to look skinny and well lets face it...I'm not fat, but I'm also not skinny. (I am a voluptuous petite girl)  My obsession has gotten a tad out of control as of late, and I finally had a break through.

What did it?  I have no idea once again...but I quit!  Today, I quit complaining daily about my appearance.  I quit obsessing on the size of my stomach or the extra skin that unfortunately hangs from the bottom part of my stomach from having had two kids.  I quit being unrealistic and hoping that I can get back to the body I had before I had kids!!!

I JUST QUIT!!!!!  Today, I make the conscious decision to love myself just the way I am.  I realize that I am a big giant hypocrite to try to teach my kids that they are beautifully and wonderfully made in God's eyes by God's hands... perfectly....just to turn around and complain about what God has given me.  God made me this way....he looks down on me and smiles at his child with love unconditionally......why don't I see what he sees?

I have no idea why I have chosen not to for all this time...but today I choose to.  Now I'm not all of a sudden confused or thinking I'm SUPER FINE or HOT or whatever the term is....but I am choosing to accept that I am a beautiful person, just the way I am.  Not in the vein way that some people can drift towards...but beautiful in that, I want to love myself and my life, enough to not care about the extra skin, or the wrinkles, or the grays, the wide feet, the frizzy curls, or anything else that has caused me stress or concern before. (WARNING: There will be days that I relapse I am sure - so be my friend and remind me of this post when I do)

God has blessed me with a beautiful life that I am wasting away by stressing over my appearance.   I felt myself falling into a sort of depression stressing out over my looks, or my weight, or my stomach...and I don't understand why it became so important to me....but I know it shouldn't be! I also know that the majority of my concerns are from within and from no one else.

I kept causing myself tears, telling myself I wasn't attractive, or Danny didn't love me or someone didn't post that picture because I look fat.........How silly is that!!?!? While Danny is not the most affectionate man in the world, and he rarely if ever will pay me a compliment, he has never judged me or made me feel as if I wasn't enough.  I was doing that all in my head to myself!! Danny is not affectionate and I have always known this...so why I thought all of a sudden that this would change or why I needed it to change so badly...I may never know (mid-life crisis comes to mind), but I'm over it.  Like he says - If he didn't love me he wouldn't be with me!! (HAHA- I just read that to myself, and it made me laugh.....he acts like he has a choice..I love him too much to let him go, and I told him the last time I married him that there were no take backs and he was stuck with me till we die!!!---I am selfish like that)

Instead of focusing on looks, I want to focus on all the things I have to be grateful for.  I have a husband who is faithful, who works hard to provide for his family, who is a strong and faithful leader, who teaches our girls what a good man is.  He is an amazing father to our girls and we are lucky to have him.  I have a beautiful set of daughters, whose smiles light up my life.  Their laughter is contagious and they are healthy, and smart, and strong, and driven, and I love them to pieces.  We have a nice home and good cars, steady jobs, food on our table, clothes on our backs and all our needs are met.  We are able to take vacations and trips and make memories with our kids that will help them to be strong and loving women.  We are surrounded by family that loves unconditionally and wholeheartedly.  I have both of my parents alive and my in-laws alive to love on and to enjoy watching them age, love us, and our kids!!! (Not everyone is so lucky).  I have three sisters who are my friends!!  I have several girlfriends who love me and I them like sisters!!!!  I am a lucky, lucky girl.

If you woke up today feeling like you weren't enough, or you weren't pretty, or you are too fat, or too dark, or too light, or too loud, or too anything.....STOP!  Choose to love yourself and the beautiful person God has created you to be! Make an effort to see yourself the way he sees you!  Learn to love who you are so you can focus instead on how you live and love others!!!!

Life is too short and tomorrow is not guaranteed....so today I choose to love myself just he way I am.  To continue to teach my kids and lead by example that they are beautifully and wonderfully made by a God who loves them no matter what!!!!

You are beautiful too....you are important and special and you are here with a purpose.....so smile....they are contagious!! :)